Friday, December 12, 2008

Attack of the barbie doll cult

The term cult is often used to describe a religious group that can be seen as potentially destructive to either it’s members, society or both and current trends indicate that people out there belong to cults that are not officially being watched by as yet unnamed quadruple letter government agencies.

You may think me mad, but some of these cults are moving inwards, securing new blood often with clever enticement ploys and often without visible figureheads. One extremely visible cult exists that appear on our streets every day and the government do nothing about them. I for one, in such a world with reputable reporting programs like Today Tonight and A Current Affair, am shocked.

So take a look at the Barbie doll cult. This female dominated cult seem to follow strict habit of eating bugger all and attire themselves in outfits bright enough to be considered hazardous environment outfits but only really protecting the waist, half of the breasts and possibly the navel. They’re required to splash on an orange fake tan (the closer to a carrot the better), peroxide their hair blonde (the whiter and straighter the better) and walk about on high heels to ensure that should they need to run, it’ll be at the hilarity of all other people around.

Now before I hear people yelling that this can’t be a cult I know people like this, I’ll show you the really disturbing side of these people.

These cult members carry diamante encrusted branded mobile phones around with them not for the only purpose of talking to other cult members, chanting the words ‘so’ and ‘like’ in there communication with each other. Some of them, possibly the leaders of this insidious cult, also carry miniature Chihuahua’s around with them either as sacrifices or as potential guard dogs sitting inside the required handbag that has branding on the side in extremely large and metallically tacky letters.

Devout cultists will barely give you the time of day, sometimes this can be for the lack of vision through their sunglasses and the fact that their tanning spray was too heavy and they forgot to put goggles over there eyes. Lesser cultists will just extol the benefits by saying thing like ‘like, how great does this bag look’ in a slightly accented fashion (accents can vary depending on the idiocy)

Needless to say all of the marking on there ‘handbags’ and items is in single or double letters for these people who seem to lack any real literate interest are in fact indicators of their level or rank inside the cult.

I can see all this evidence is building up, but look our for these ones, tottering around and be aware when one says to try ‘having a spray on tan’ you should just run for your life.

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