Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Soles of the world – (News)

In recent new, the esteemed President of the Free World(It’s easier to pronounce than the US of A) George Dubya recently had to evade and avoid a reporters shoes at a media conference in the prime ministers residence in Iraq. This may sound like an issue George had with a dance routine but said reporter, Muntazer al-Zaidi, was angrily throwing his shoes, one after the other, while the President was successfully playing dodge ball at the podium, According to all the news reports(and with such footage and photos from a room full of journalists, there is a stack as well as spin off Youtube videos already) the soles of the shoes are considered the ultimate insult and so this being levelled at Dubya indicates the animosity coming across.

But this does have a severe comment on the security issue, especially around the president. Needless to say I can’t believe that the man was allowed in with such dangerous missiles. Who knows what could have happened if this man was a size 14 as opposed to a 10. Soon we may have to see anti shoe netting at such an event, allowing through spit balls but stopping all shoes above a certain size. Secret Service should have someone on shoe detail at ground level watching everyone’s feet in case they twitch too high and leaping forward should a hand reach to scratch an ankle.
And this shouldn’t be limited to men as well, considering the metalwork inside some women’s shoes they should have lethal weapon licenses just to wear them around. Who knows how dangerous a pair of stilettos can be in the right hands? Certainly the secret service will be aware of this kind of thing.

I blame Tom Jones though, and I know that seems like it’s from left field but he, and others of his ilk are to blame for all this wearables throwing. Underwear was just underwear until the first screaming fan decided to elevate themselves from the crowd by asking the singer to check the laundry. Who’s to say this was originally even a fan, it might have even been a small gig in Surrey where the band members were thrown such an insult but assumed that there merging of syncopated beats with bad guitar had won over a crowd member. And thus the revolution was started.

Truly this leads on to a few different things, the security of press conferences and public appearances will probably try to disallow shoes and possibly socks of any kind, regardless of whether it’s a sunny day in Rio(with no issue whatsoever) or a Meredith Music Festival mud bog(which would be like swimming) and as these new rules will come into play most people will start to throw more obscure items. Wallets probably won’t leave the hands but earrings have high potential(especially with the larger hooped ones), skivvies could be chucked at a Wiggles concert(those five year olds can get quite vocal) and even throwing the person sitting next to you(personal fitness may need to be pretty good).

Regardless, I’m going to sit here behind my glass divider and devise ways to sharpen the heel of my rubber shoe to a point. I think I’ll just have it as self defence.

Article to Read(if you need to)


silly silly llama said...

Very nicely tied in. And as always, beautifully worded. I think it followed a very clear and infallible path of logic, in light of which, I dion't see how society could progress in any other way. These are troubled times, and we unwittingly grow ever closer to the age of the projectile... I just hope those chandelier earrings don't come back en vogue. That having been said, there are certain ways to beg to have shoes thrown at one, and for Dubyah, we all know that opening his mouth is a giant red flag.

Hand-E-Food said...

It reminds me of a scene from The Blues Brothers involving Country, Western, beer bottles, and chicken wire. I think this goes to show there are many ways to interperate thrown projectiles.

Now where's my Grenade of Peace?

Mr Fine said...

I think the grenade of piece was the newer update of the holy hand grenade. But I can see George Dubya singing Rawhide at his next press conference.