It has been commented by many through the years of my life that in the morning my movement and speed is matched only by a pot smoking turtle. I think that the amphibious narcotics community would be severely hurt by that kind of an allegation as I move at pace that is only discernable in a time lapse video. My own and many other peoples reason for this is that the morning does not begin until we’ve mixed some brown powder into some boiling hotwater. Until this appears in our hands we should be classed as the walking dead, moaning occasionally as we lumber through the rising sunlight.
I know that I’m not alone in this legal narcotic addiction. Friends, family, unknown strangers all suffer from this heaving post caffeine haze that can be matched, in pain only, by a hangover from a heavy night of tequilas. These other coffee addicts of the town can be seen lining up on street corners or curled up in a ball on a train to the city.
Since this is such a wonderful drop that has kept me going I won’t listen to a bad word against it. I know it yellows your teeth, can give you heart palpitation and is not recommended by either the doctors on the TV or the Heart Foundation, but I still like it. It’s just so comforting to know that in my hands I carry a substance that can enable me to finish off a gruelling day of work. Some people need chocolate to calm them down but I need coffee to keep me awake.
Needless to say, this city of mine runs on caffeine. They can limit the water in times of drought, food in times of war and electricity in times of those eclectic massage chairs(which are fun) but the whole city will grind to a halt should the caffeine level be stopped. Having an Espresso isn’t just having a drink it’s a way of living. Even on 45 degree days (celcius) people, including me will ask for a cappuccino or mocha in preference over a nice cool milkshake.
And Melbourne loves it as well, with it’s abundance of coffee shops, bars, even Laundromats with espresso machines you can’t escape the smell or pleasure of a cup anywhere. You’d need to hide yourself in a cupboard with eucalyptus stuffed up your nose and chewing gum the whole time.
Now before I do fall asleep at my desk I have to dash to the coffee shop to get my second fix for the afternoon.
Would anyone else like a cup while I’m there?
It’s nice and hot.
Showing posts with label coffee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coffee. Show all posts
Monday, February 2, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Love and service
Many of us at one point in our life will have had a crush or fantasy on a waitress or waiter. But be wary of this kind of option of relationship as this kind of crush is fine as long as it stays a crush. Should it eventuate into anything serious the whole café – client power play will be in jeopardy.
These staff are kept in pristine condition by minutes of hiring, seconds of training and years of verbal haranguing from the clientele. So should someone make a personal connection between staff and one of the public, the whole balance of helper and payee may be ruined and the world might collapse into a little ball of hydrogen (no real connection between the two, but it just might).
The reasons for the staff being as distant as they are is a truly dastardly secret.
You may think that the wait staff are their to help you have food and drink but the owners have other ideas. They really select there waiters and waitresses to ensure maximum return on there client and the point the owners (who coincidentally are all evil overlords inhabiting volcano’s) ensure their staff know is that they have to stay alluring yet aloof. Many owners are wary of this and attempt various displays to ensure that the clientele remain a little distant to the staff by hanging funny sayings on the wall over the tips jar to promote the idea of working staff insanity. Their whole point of the wait staff is for guilt and guilt alone.
If you’re not there for your regular decaf double choc soy lemon infused flat white on the dot at 10:39 am the waitress checks a mirror to ensure her most heart wrenching pout is visible when you do finally push the door past the annoying bell. Why else would any sane minded Legal Director visibly empty her wallet into the tip jar if not for the waiter making sad puppy dog eyes at her for declining a second coffee at lunchtime. And heaven help you if you’re actually sick. I recommend that, short of a coma, you be sitting at that rickety death-trap stool half smiling with a hand calling them over. If you are actually in a coma, send a nurse.
But we shouldn’t be cowed by such displays of emotional blackmail. These waiting staff are still human (some may be questionable) and we need to use our own measures to get back at them. If they start to wield the power away from us too much we need to strike back with our own blackmail. Some people do know the truth and make there best efforts to be surly, unhelpful and abusive to helpful wait staff because they KNOW THE TRUTH(I can’t think of any other real reason personally).
Anyway, to ensure the balance is kept you don’t have to yell rants of abuse about insufficient foam, just make sure you aren’t addicted to your personal large frappe or chai and keep a random schedule.
But I can’t go on right now, I have to run.
I need to get my Latte from across the road.
I think I might be a little late.
These staff are kept in pristine condition by minutes of hiring, seconds of training and years of verbal haranguing from the clientele. So should someone make a personal connection between staff and one of the public, the whole balance of helper and payee may be ruined and the world might collapse into a little ball of hydrogen (no real connection between the two, but it just might).
The reasons for the staff being as distant as they are is a truly dastardly secret.
You may think that the wait staff are their to help you have food and drink but the owners have other ideas. They really select there waiters and waitresses to ensure maximum return on there client and the point the owners (who coincidentally are all evil overlords inhabiting volcano’s) ensure their staff know is that they have to stay alluring yet aloof. Many owners are wary of this and attempt various displays to ensure that the clientele remain a little distant to the staff by hanging funny sayings on the wall over the tips jar to promote the idea of working staff insanity. Their whole point of the wait staff is for guilt and guilt alone.
If you’re not there for your regular decaf double choc soy lemon infused flat white on the dot at 10:39 am the waitress checks a mirror to ensure her most heart wrenching pout is visible when you do finally push the door past the annoying bell. Why else would any sane minded Legal Director visibly empty her wallet into the tip jar if not for the waiter making sad puppy dog eyes at her for declining a second coffee at lunchtime. And heaven help you if you’re actually sick. I recommend that, short of a coma, you be sitting at that rickety death-trap stool half smiling with a hand calling them over. If you are actually in a coma, send a nurse.
But we shouldn’t be cowed by such displays of emotional blackmail. These waiting staff are still human (some may be questionable) and we need to use our own measures to get back at them. If they start to wield the power away from us too much we need to strike back with our own blackmail. Some people do know the truth and make there best efforts to be surly, unhelpful and abusive to helpful wait staff because they KNOW THE TRUTH(I can’t think of any other real reason personally).
Anyway, to ensure the balance is kept you don’t have to yell rants of abuse about insufficient foam, just make sure you aren’t addicted to your personal large frappe or chai and keep a random schedule.
But I can’t go on right now, I have to run.
I need to get my Latte from across the road.
I think I might be a little late.
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